Marriage

"Hey Gramma. You know two women can get married?"

"Yes."

"You know two men can get married?"

"Yes. So can one man and one woman."

"Okay." Pause. "I'm going to marry you."

"Hmmm. What about Jim?"

Heavy sigh. 

"Fine. I'll marry Jim too."

Of Gods & Scary Stuff

The kid is still doing battle with her fear of storms. There was a doozy last night that reduced her to trembling tears. After it had passed I showed her the pink sunset-influenced clouds. "Oh Gramma," she breathed softly, awe in her voice, "thank you for showing me the beautiful pink clouds!"

Then this morning, she wandered up to me and said, "That was a real Thor storm last night, wasn't it?"

Thorstorms. I like it. 

I Didn't Teach Her That

Jim bought the kid some modeling clay. She got right down to constructing herself some Angry Bird Space creatures. Jim and I are talking when all of a sudden the kid says, "This clay compound is working out well."

Ummmm. 

Jim and I stared st each other for a few heartbeats. 

"Did she just say what I think she said?"

"She did."

"I didn't teach her that."

"Neither did I."

I do not get it. It makes me laugh but I don't get it.

Changing Room Manners

Yesterday I found myself in the family change room with the kid and her older sister. After ensuring the door was locked I peeled off my swimsuit and stepped into the shower. The girls were getting out of their suits, and this was their exchange :

Older Kid : We need to make sure the door is shut so no one walks in on us. 

The Kid : Yeah. I don't want anyone to see my weiner. 

Without missing a beat,

Older Kid : You're a girl. You don't have a weiner. You have a vagina. 

The Kid : Yeah. That too. 

I almost drowned in the shower from laughing so hard. 

Cursive

I brought home some cursive writing dry-erase papers for the kid, for when she gets older. I believe in the positive value of learning handwriting, in more than just the way it improves fine motor skills. The kid saw the papers sitting on the table.

"Grandma?"

"Yes honey?"

"Are these hamwriting practice?"

Uhhhh ...

"Yes sweetheart, they are HANDwriting practice."

And then I wandered down the hall, gigglesnorting over hamwriting practice.

Handling Things

The kid and I parked in front of the theatre before heading into my appointment today. She noticed the poster for Iron Man 3 right away.  She was very excited. She said we should go see it. I told her I have been working on getting Jim to go with us. She put up her hand in a firm STOP motion and said, quite seriously, "Let me handle Jim."

She had to repeat herself because I was certain I had heard her incorrectly. 

I hadn't. 

Of Ships & Mighty Things

On Saturday, while visiting Dad in Moose Jaw, he asked if I would be okay with driving him to the vet's office to pick up the heart medicine for his little dog. I agreed quite willingly.

"Are you sure," he asked again.

I replied, to reassure him, "It's not hard Dad. It's not hard."

"Ship!" piped up a voice from the backseat.

"Excuse me?"

"It's not a hardship," the kid replied.

Well, no, no it is not. But ummm ... where did the kid learn the word hardship?!??!?!!

Haircuts

The kid borrowed a pair of scissors this morning. I did not think much of it. I was busy doing some work prep so I handed them over without question. 

A few minutes later, she dropped some fluff in my lap. I looked at it. Horror began to dawn. "Sweetie did you - did - did you cut your puppy's hair?????"

Looking at least a wee bit shamefaced, she replied, "Yes Gramma."

Well damn. 

"You do know he is not real right? His hair will never grow back."

She looked stricken. I went on , "It's okay. You've learned an important life lesson.' The kid was relieved to not be in trouble and quite accepting of the lesson about fake hair. 

Sometimes it is more about what I say, and how I say it. 

Love

I went to check on the kid a moment ago.
Me : Do you want me to turn on your fan?
Kid : Yes, please.
I turn on the fan.
Me : This will keep you from getting too warm.
I turn to walk out.
Kid : I'm already warm.
Me : Well then this will keep you from getting too warm.
I pause at the door.
I turn back.
Me : Wait a minute. Are you already nekkid under there?
Kid : I LOVE BEING NAKED!!!!!
Me : Me too! Especially in bed. THAT'S the place for it!!!

One Food

Driving back from Dad's house yesterday, I asked Jim, "If you could only have one food for the rest of your days what would it be?"

Jim said souvlaki. My twelve year old granddaughter chirped up from the back seat that she would pick sushi. I said burgers. Then from directly behind me the kid chirped up, "Ask me! Ask me!"

So we did. Before the question was completed she called out, "Pancakes!"

I should have known.

Ghost Holes

"Gramma is going to trip over a ghost hole! Aaahahahaaa!"

Ghost holes are holes no one sees but which still manage to trip people. The kid was laughing at ghost holes, not the idea of me tripping.

I hope.

Belonging & Community

We were out for supper after a terribly long day. As we were leaving, Jim and I were both shocked when the kid walked up behind an older lady and gently touched her back. Before we could react or respond, the kid and this lady are hugging and laughing. This woman starts talking to her five family members, telling them how the kid is such a wonderful little girl, with the most beautiful name. Jim and I were struck dumb, just watching in silence as the conversation unfolded.

The kid was completely in her element, sweet and gracious. The lady's daughter finally took pity on us and explained that her mom works at the daycare! Ohhh! Okay.

After we left, we asked the kid if this lady worked in the kitchen or office since we had never seen her before. "No," came the absent reply, "she takes care of the little babies."

And yet she knows the kid and thinks she is adorable. That child simply knows she belongs in this community. I am proud and envious all at the same time.

Green

We were out for a meal. The kid was colouring but the restaurant only provided red, blue, and yellow crayons.

"Oh I need green," she announced.

She thought for a moment. "It's okay. Yellow and blue make green." She then proceeded to make it so.

She. Is. Awesome.

Physiotherapy

An ad was on the television yesterday for health insurance. The kid was playing on the floor when she turned to Jim and said, "Jim! They just said PHYSIOTHERAPY!"

Jim and I stared for a second. Then Jim replied, "You just said PHYSIOTHERAPY too!"

"I did!"

Philosophies

We were driving in the car, Jim, the kid, and I. The kid starts calling Jim a she. Despite gentle corrections she will not stop. Finally in exasperation I inform her, "You know, that flies in the face of all our tree-hugging hippy philosophies."

There is a silence from the back seat. I revel in my victory.

Then a curious voice from the back seat calls out, "Philoso-whats??"

Jim and I both burst out laughing. The kid wins again.

The Seasons

We were talking about the seasons. Specifically how she wants it to be summer now. I said I would be happy with spring. She wanted to know why, so I told her how spring is all about nice days, not too hot and not too cold, how the leaves and grass start growing in spring, and in general how spring is lovely, to me.

She was quiet for a moment, then asked, "It's like a warm breezy day, Gramma?"

Honestly, I have no clue where she pulls these phrases from.

Foodie

I made mini bagels with grilled cheese for her lunch.

"Grandma!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!! These are awesome. We should always have these!"

"I am making sausage and perogies for supper."

"Those are my favourite!! Oh yay!!"

What?

Picked the kid up from daycare. She was babbling in the back seat, and I was not listening properly. All of a sudden I hear her say, "You should have said that, right Grandma?"

Uhhhh. "Ummm. Right. "

"You weren't listening were you Grandma?"

"No sweetie I wasn't. Sorry."

A pause. Then I asked, "I should have said what?"

"What."

Another pause. Then peals of laughter from the back seat.

She thinks she is funny but it is easy to fool me.

Dammity.

Hunger Games

"I'm starving!!!!"

This is the kid's current method of informing me she might condescend to eat something, if it tasty enough. She yells it anytime she feels a twinge of hunger. How do I know they are twinges? She never finishes anything. Cheeky zeeba.

iPhone

Jim, Kelly & I were all working on our iPhones the other night. I was showing them something in the settings. The kid leaps off the sectional in the midst of this and says, "Guys! I don't even have an iPhone yet!"

Yet? Uhoh.