Smarty Pants

"Grandma, 100 + 100 = 200."

"Yes, it is!"

"And 1 + 1 = 2."

"Yes!"

"I am smart!"

"Okay smarty pants, what's 10 + 10?"

"Well that's 20, Grandma."

Well played, little girl. Well played. 

Ordering Food

Last winter Jim and I cane down with food poisoning after eating bad pizza. The Kid didn't because all she ate were the wings. Since then, the Kid has been squidgy about any pizza. 

On Friday, I was feeling too sick too cook or even eat. Jim and the Kid ended up going to pick up pizza and breadsticks. After making doubly sure this was not the Poison Pizza place, the Kid suggested she and Jim stop by the death pizzeria. She told Jim, "We can go in and when they ask us what we want to order we can say, "Nothing!!!!!!""

She is awesome. Aahahahaa!

Parties

Jim invited the kid to his niece's birthday party.  

Her reply? "Oh I would be honored to go with you, Jim!"

I adore that kid. 

Bosses

While defeating a dragon in her game :

"Who's the boss now, bossy man?!?"

New Word

The Kid used a new word today. 

Nemesis  

As in, "My big sister is my nemesis."

Uhhhh. 

What?

Then she explained that in Minecraft, her sister is her nemesis now, because the last time they played they were not getting along. 

Oh geeze. 

Despite my best efforts, she is determined that her big sister is her nemesis, and is planning her defenses accordingly. 

I do not know if this is foreshadowing, or just freaking funny. 

Rudey

A couple of days ago, the Kid suggested I might have a problem. 

We were driving away from the Kid's art class. I was telling Jim about my ongoing irritation with many members of the human race. I jokingly said that some days I feel like The Hulk from The Avengers. You know, "My secret is I'm always angry." As I giggled, a small voice piped up from the back seat. 

"You might be a Rudey Pants, Grandma."

I almost choked to death while laughing. 

Chicken? Really?

Yesterday morning, the Kid informed me that my hair smelled like "chicken".

I would not have been so disturbed by this if

1. We had not been at daycare, and

2. It had not been at 7:45AM.

I had to spend the rest of the day in a panic. I mean, the Kid loves chicken, so it could have been a compliment, her was of saying my hair smelled nice.

But chicken? Chicken???? Nothing good came of her comment. She's evil, that one.

On the plus side, my hair was shampooed four times last night. Now I have fly-away stuff happening, and I am simply not girly enough to know how to fix it.

Oh yay me.

Re-Naming

We were driving to art class today. As we passed the two-story sculpture of four Canadian geese - as we do every second Thursday - the kid announces, "Geese of Liberty." 

Yes, like New York city's Statue of Liberty. 

Only cooler. 

Almost A Circle

We were driving, headed downtown for this meeting I have been dreading. The kid is all excited, beside herself really. To distract her - or maybe myself - I keep pointing out architecture. I see a house up on the left with an octogon window. 

"Look sweetie! That house has a window that is almost round." Check me out, prepping her for future math work. I am awesome!

"Yeah! It is almost round, Gramma! Except it's an octogon."

Well ... dammity. I warned her that if her head explodes because she is so smart, it is not my fault. 

Caesar Salad

We are at a restaurant. The kid wants a small pizza and a salad. As she is telling me her order she very clearly says, " ... and I want the Caesar salad, hold the hashbrowns."

Ummmm ....

"Hashbrowns?"

"Yeah. You know, the bread stuff."

"Croutons?"

"Those too."

Changes

The kid's world is changing. She starts a new daycare next week as well as beginning school. While all this is a good thing, it is still an upheaval for her. This week we are getting back to proper bedtimes, talking about her new school, and generally building up some excitement. 

Meanwhile, on her final Monday at her current daycare, one of the boys managed to smack her in the nose playing Foozeball. It looks like she will have a black eye or two. When I told her this she first asked me what a black eye was. Once she understood she shared this update with everyone. She is terribly excited to possibly have two black eyes. 

Oh to be that young again. 

QCX

On Friday the kid went to the QCX, the local exhibition/fair. All morning she had a mantra, "I'M GOING TO THE EXHIBITION!!!!"

Although I am not sure a mantra should be yelled at the top of your lungs. 

She had an AWESOME time. Her favourite ride was the merry go round. She claims to have ridden it six or more times. Jim says he thinks it was three. 

I am not using the photo of the horrified horse. This one seems much happier. The kid loves her some horses. 

On a strangely sad note, there were no pony rides this year, and no petting zoo. I wonder why. Oh well, the kid enjoyed her time there. That is what matters. 

Marriage

"Hey Gramma. You know two women can get married?"

"Yes."

"You know two men can get married?"

"Yes. So can one man and one woman."

"Okay." Pause. "I'm going to marry you."

"Hmmm. What about Jim?"

Heavy sigh. 

"Fine. I'll marry Jim too."

Of Gods & Scary Stuff

The kid is still doing battle with her fear of storms. There was a doozy last night that reduced her to trembling tears. After it had passed I showed her the pink sunset-influenced clouds. "Oh Gramma," she breathed softly, awe in her voice, "thank you for showing me the beautiful pink clouds!"

Then this morning, she wandered up to me and said, "That was a real Thor storm last night, wasn't it?"

Thorstorms. I like it. 

I Didn't Teach Her That

Jim bought the kid some modeling clay. She got right down to constructing herself some Angry Bird Space creatures. Jim and I are talking when all of a sudden the kid says, "This clay compound is working out well."

Ummmm. 

Jim and I stared st each other for a few heartbeats. 

"Did she just say what I think she said?"

"She did."

"I didn't teach her that."

"Neither did I."

I do not get it. It makes me laugh but I don't get it.

Changing Room Manners

Yesterday I found myself in the family change room with the kid and her older sister. After ensuring the door was locked I peeled off my swimsuit and stepped into the shower. The girls were getting out of their suits, and this was their exchange :

Older Kid : We need to make sure the door is shut so no one walks in on us. 

The Kid : Yeah. I don't want anyone to see my weiner. 

Without missing a beat,

Older Kid : You're a girl. You don't have a weiner. You have a vagina. 

The Kid : Yeah. That too. 

I almost drowned in the shower from laughing so hard. 

Cursive

I brought home some cursive writing dry-erase papers for the kid, for when she gets older. I believe in the positive value of learning handwriting, in more than just the way it improves fine motor skills. The kid saw the papers sitting on the table.

"Grandma?"

"Yes honey?"

"Are these hamwriting practice?"

Uhhhh ...

"Yes sweetheart, they are HANDwriting practice."

And then I wandered down the hall, gigglesnorting over hamwriting practice.

Handling Things

The kid and I parked in front of the theatre before heading into my appointment today. She noticed the poster for Iron Man 3 right away.  She was very excited. She said we should go see it. I told her I have been working on getting Jim to go with us. She put up her hand in a firm STOP motion and said, quite seriously, "Let me handle Jim."

She had to repeat herself because I was certain I had heard her incorrectly. 

I hadn't. 

Of Ships & Mighty Things

On Saturday, while visiting Dad in Moose Jaw, he asked if I would be okay with driving him to the vet's office to pick up the heart medicine for his little dog. I agreed quite willingly.

"Are you sure," he asked again.

I replied, to reassure him, "It's not hard Dad. It's not hard."

"Ship!" piped up a voice from the backseat.

"Excuse me?"

"It's not a hardship," the kid replied.

Well, no, no it is not. But ummm ... where did the kid learn the word hardship?!??!?!!

Haircuts

The kid borrowed a pair of scissors this morning. I did not think much of it. I was busy doing some work prep so I handed them over without question. 

A few minutes later, she dropped some fluff in my lap. I looked at it. Horror began to dawn. "Sweetie did you - did - did you cut your puppy's hair?????"

Looking at least a wee bit shamefaced, she replied, "Yes Gramma."

Well damn. 

"You do know he is not real right? His hair will never grow back."

She looked stricken. I went on , "It's okay. You've learned an important life lesson.' The kid was relieved to not be in trouble and quite accepting of the lesson about fake hair. 

Sometimes it is more about what I say, and how I say it.